Ruby Diane Mckee Grant
Ruby Diane Mckee Grant: August 6 1936 – Feb 28 2022
Feb 28 2022 Ruby Diane Mckee Grant passed away from Covid. Surprisingly, she is the first person I personally knew to die from Covid. But her death has made me grieve the most. My grief is honestly unexpected. She was old and in a home with Dementia. She didn’t really know who her kids were anymore. And it’s been months since I saw her. Last time I saw her was for her 85 birthday in August. At that point, her dementia was fairly bad. She kind of knew who we were, and was happy to see us. But she couldn’t complete a sentence. She could talk but her stories didn’t make sense. But I think being around family was still good for her. We didn’t get to celebrate her birthday in 2020 so it was nice to all be together with her in 2021.
The time I saw her before that was in maybe September 2020. I went to visit her at her house and we had some tea together. Her dementia was pretty bad then too but not as noticeable. She started our meeting talking about Grandpa Tom her husband who had been gone for 15 years like he was still living with her. But after that we talked like nothing was wrong. Just about our days and what was going on in our lives. It was a lovely visit and I’m glad I got that last little one on one time with her. My parents visited her later that day and she didn’t remember I had been by. So that memory is just a nice one for only me to keep.
But we still have lost if shared memories. One of my earliest memories of my grandma is the time she took me and my brother Stew out for brunch. Stew and I were maybe 4 and 5 I think we were at a Rickeys or IHOP. I remember riding to the restaurant with my Grandma driving, Grandpa Tom in the passages seat and Stew and I in the back. It was memorable because it was one of the few times I wasn’t in a car seat and I felt very grown up. Even though I couldn’t see out the back windows for our 5 min drive. A meal with just my grandparents and Stew was a special event. Normally we would all be together as a big family gathering. But that day, for reasons I can’t remember, it was just the 4 of us. I remember not fully knowing how to behave without my parents there. And there was maybe a small amount of tension. Then our food came. Grandpa had ordered a big plate of pancakes which he proceeded to cover in butter and syrup. Then he lifted his knife and fork and started to cut into the tower of pancakes. Only his first cut tipped all 4 pancakes into his lap. Grandpa Tom was not the kind of man you laughed at. He had been described as a telephone booth with a head-on top. He was feared by all, except for maybe his grandchildren. I remember starting a subtle laugh, Stew who was next to me and across from Grandpa was frantically trying to hide his laugh. Grandpa looked up from his lap with a stupid smile and looked right at Stew, asking him, “What are you laughing at?” Grandma was now, too, trying to stifle her laugh as she picked pancakes out of his lap. Grandpa kept repeating with a bigger simile on his face what are you laughing at. This escalated till all four of us were laughing and calling the waitress over to get more napkins and pancakes. Stew and I have retold this happy memory of the both of them many times.
I also remember Christmas shopping with Grandma. From the age of maybe 10 to 15, Grandma used to take each of her grandkids out separately so we could Christmas shop for our family and friends without our parents and siblings knowing what we got them. It was a very thoughtful touch and I remember the pride at some of those early Christmas at being able to surprise my parents and siblings with their Christmas gifts.
My Grandma was also the person who let me buy my first, will say “adult piece” of clothing. The year is 2001, I am in grade 6, and I’ve just started attending school dances. Grandma and I are shopping for clothes as a birthday gift. I found this very cool red silk embroidered top, which I didn’t realize until I tried it on, was a completely backless halter top. Reluctantly, I step out of the changing room, knowing this top is too grown up for me. But Grandma Diane ust praising how cool I looked. Which I did. I looked like I was straight out of a 90s teen movie. Even the shopkeeper starts raving, I agree to get the top. So my Grandmother bought me this red silk completely backless halter top, much to my mother’s disapproval, but what are grandmothers for? And let me tell you; I wore that top till the tiny silk strings holding it together broke!
When I was 13 or 14 Diane & Tom moved to Ladner a 5 min walk from our house. Grandpa Tom was already quite sick having recovered from a few heart attacks and strokes. He was wheelchair-bound. And this new house had a huge open floor plan that made it easier for him. Sadly he was in that house less than a year before he passed. That left grandma there alone. But not for long, she soon got a white Terrier she named Tommy. Being so close made it easy to visit. She quickly became friends with all her neighbours. Many of which were my elementary school friends and families. I would always get updates like I saw your Grandma today out walking she says hi. I also got to visit her lots. Anytime I needed to do any sewing (which is basically anytime I buy clothes) I would walk over to her house for a quick visit and a cookie and use her machine. I altered many clothes and even made a Halloween costume of Caprica 6 on that sewing machine. She was a far more talented sewer than I ever was. So whenever I needed help she was there with suggestions or a fancy sewing trick to make the job easier.
She also took me to Europe as any good Jane Austen grandmother should! That story is a bit bitter-sweet. When I was 13 or 14 my family had planned a trip to England and Scotland to visit my elementary school best friend / our family in Scotland. But Grandpa Tom had a stroke or a heart attack and we had to cancel the trip. But a few years after he passed Grandma was planning her own trip to Europe with Don and they ask if I wanted to come too. Which I ecstatically agreed! That trip was amazing. We went to Dublin and drank Guinness had fish and chips and reminisced about Grandpa Tom. Then we went to Belfast and Antrim, Grandma’s ancestral home. We visited the ruins of a castle that belong to the Mckee clan. Then it was off to beautiful Edinburgh, Inverness and Loch Ness where we saw the runes of Grant Castle. Then off down to London and even Paris! I was a whirlwind of a trip. And every day we travelled in cars or trains and every night I shared a room with Grandma. We did our little nightly routines, I would sketch or write in my journal and then say good night and lights off.
I’ve been missing her a lot since she passed. Mostly guilt and anger at not visiting her enough the last few years. When Aj and I moved back to Ladner in 2018 I was again only a 5 min walk to her house and I regret not visiting more. I was planning a wedding and I kept thinking once this is done I’ll visit. Then I was teaching and creating a course that took up all my time. Again I said, when this is done I’ll make time to visit. Well, teaching finished March 2020 5 days before the lockdowns were imposed. Now I had all the time in the world to visit, but couldn’t out a risk of getting her sick. Time stopped and yet also somehow moved on and before long it was time to put her in a home where visits were also restricted dude to covid. Then I moved back downtown and making the trek and time seemed even more complicated. And I kept saying when things settle down I’ll visit her. In a peak moment of grief and guilt, I pulled out my journal from our Europe trip and read it all. It was lovely reliving some memories I had forgotten. And looking at old photos. Which got me looking through all the photos I could find of her. Bring up other memories I had forgotten. Right after she went into a home it was my job to clean up her computer. Saving any documents and photos we needed and deleting what we didn’t. I got to go through all her photos and notes on her computer. She was a diligent writer to her friends and had many draft documents of her letters. The image below is what I believe is the last photo she ever took. A beautiful sunset from her balcony. Going through her computer wasn’t all bitter-sweet. It brought up more memories I had forgotten. For example, she came to Maui with us when I was 9, and to Vancouver Island when we rented a cabin for a week when I was 16. She went on a cruise to the Panama channel with her friends, and also to New York. She was at the last league game of soccer I played, along with countless others I can’t remember. She was at almost all of her 8 grandchildren’s graduation, even the ones in Edmonton she flew out for. She was at every single one of our birthdays, every year, for all her BC Children and Grandchildren. She was heavily involved in her high school reunions group and schedule a lot of gatherings. (She like me also married her high school sweetheart and kept in touch with lots of her friends from high school. )
She travelled, she socialized, she partied she really did live. And while I truly miss her and regret some of the time I didn’t spend with her, I have found joy in reliving the happy memories we shared. She was loved by many and will be missed by even more.
Today I honour her with an altar made of totems from her life. The card she gave to me at my wedding. Even with her arthritis, she took the time to write love grandma. A photo of us in this tiny bar (Maddens Bar) in Antrim, a town a bit bigger than Ladner that did not see many Canadian tourists. The Pub owner got a kick out of us and gave us the dumb hats and took our photos so they could put them on their website. I love it cause we all look happy and stupid together. My journal and sketchbook that I spent hours writing and drawing in while we sat on trains and in pubs together. And a candle that I carved her names into. Ruby Diane Mckee, Diane Grant, Grandma Diane, Mom, Sister. And I covered it in lavender to remind me of her perfume that I would smell every time she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye. I’m going to miss that smell and the feeling of her soft cheek on mine. A feeling so quiescently Grandma Diane. I love you Grandma.
While processing my grief of Grandma Diane it made me think of two other women we’ve lost in the last two years. The first is Great Aunty Cath. She passed on November 4 a few weeks before her 100th bday. Growing up I had so many Macleod /Bartlett/Grant family dinners at her house I can’t even count. Peanut Butter Pie the dessert I ask for as my birthday cake every year is her recipe. I’m also sure my love for Nanaimo Bars also comes from her. It was always one of the 4 or 5 dessert snacks she would have laid out before and after dinner. IF you have ever seen a baby photo of me you now know why I was so FAT! Catherine was the eldest of 5 children, and while she never married or had children of her own, she was a matriarch in our family. Her door was always open to family and friends. And share cared for us all as if we were her own. For my wedding, there was a bit up for debate if she would come or if at 98 she was too old. But she said she wanted to come, she wasn’t sure if she would ever get to see a wedding again and she wanted to be there. Knowing how many people had to cancel their weddings between now and then her words seem quite ominous. But I’m so glad she was able to come. My wedding was one of the last times I saw her and I’m so glad to have so many happy photos of and with her from that day. She was another person who went into a home during the pandemic and was difficult to visit. In loo of a visit, I made her a painting to brighten up her room for her 99th bday. I do regret not visiting but again I’m happy for the years of memories I had with her. Her candle is carved with Catherine Macleod, Great Aunty Cath, Aunty Cath, Sister and covered in brown sugar to remind me of all her sweet treats. Love you Aunty Cath
The last person I think about is Ida Waltz. Aj’s maternal grandmother. I barely knew her, I only met her maybe 3 times before she went to a home. One of those times was when I was 17 and Coffee lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder while I was meeting her as Aj’s girlfriend for the first time. Her response was that I was no good for Andrew. A reasonable assumption based on that series of events. And honestly, she was right. I had to grow up and change a lot to deserve the man I now call Husband. She was unfortunately too old to come to the wedding. And I know Hilde had wanted us to visit her and show her some of the wedding photos. I kept putting this off saying I would do it after teaching was done. As we now know, once teaching was done visiting her wasn’t possible. I owe her a lot. She fled her country in world war two and came to Canada to make a better life. She rased my lovely caring mother-in-law, who gave me my lovely caring husband. To the woman I barely know but owe so much, thank you. Your candle says Ida Waltz, Mother, Grandma.
Today I’m saying goodbye to 3 women each a matriarch in their own family. I light your candles, listen to some classics and write this goodbye essay. Not so much for you, I know you are gone and not checking social media where ever you are. This essay is for me, to process my grief and to serve as a new memory for me to recall when I miss your faces. Each of your lifetimes is filled with waves that will leave marks on generations to come. Thank you for all the love and kindness you shared with us. You will all be missed.
Diane Grant Vancouver Sun Obituary
Diane Grant Memorial Video 2022
